An Exercise in Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Tonight was parent teacher conference at our junior high. It is my favorite day of the whole year. I get to sit with a smile on my face while the teachers all congratulate me on what exemplary students my children are. They both have straight A's and are on the high honor roll! And neither one has a single tardy which means outstanding citizenship grades all around.

Time To Get My Thyroid Checked

On Friday, I very nearly backed my car out through the closed garage door. I caught myself in the nick of time. Heart pounding, I drove Abby to school and went in with her to help in her class. While I was there, I realized we'd forgotten her birthday cupcakes . . . again - her birthday was the day before. Since I only live 1/4 mile away, I went home really quick to get them. I ran in, yelled to Anna that I came home to get the cupcakes so she wouldn't think there was an intruder in the house, and got back to the school within 5 minutes. I parked and turned to get the cupcakes, only to realize I'D FORGOTTEN THEM AGAIN!!! So I drove back home, cursing myself the whole way.

Last time I had this severe of a lapse in brain function, my thyroid was really messed up. That was when I left 18 month old Abby in the bathtub by herself for 15 minutes, completely forgotten (the water was only a few inches deep, but still!!); I ladled soup out onto a plate; and I left the iron sitting on the floor. It must be time to get checked again.

I Love You Mama

I got this from my wonderful aunt, Jaynee, and had to share it. This happens in reverse at my house - my kids are the ones in prison.

Happy Birthday Abby!!!

Abby is 6 today!!! If you don't know Abby, but you do know Liahona, then that's almost like knowing Abby.

Six of My Favorite Abbyisms

6) When she was 2-3 years old, she loved to sing "Shake Your Booty" while she grabbed poor Molly's hind end and shook it back and forth. It was especially sweet when the dog's behind would hit her in the face (anybody want a kiss?).

5) Abby has a very contradictory personality. She is a total bulldozer, very strong-minded and persistent. It can be a difficult quality in a child, but will be awesome in an adult. At the same time, she is also very tender-hearted and nurturing (especially to crickets). It's such a funny combination.

4) She came home from preschool last January with a picture of Martin Luther King and told me, "This is Rosa Parks' friend."

3) She calls Box Elder bugs "Ox Gelder" bugs. It's a strong bug that can geld an ox!

3.5) She is a true princess at heart. For her 4th birthday, she got a bunch of princess paraphernalia: crown, fancy gloves, fancy shoes, a crown, and a Cinderella dress. She also got sick that night. But even though she didn't feel well, she put on all of her princess gear and posed for us over and over until she was throwing up.

2) When I asked her, "How do you help crickets that are missing a leg?" she answered totally straight faced and matter-of-fact, "I kill them." (age 5 5/6 - see posts from September 5 and September 18)

1) Finally, the best Abbyism of all, the one that will haunt her for the rest of her life, "I like the smell of fireworks . . . they're like a really good fart." (age 4)

Happy birthday funny girl.

Nervous Breakdown

My last post about the pies was somewhat deceptive in that it made me look very organized and efficient. So I told Paige my next post would be about my messy house and my nervous breakdown. I took pictures but can only bring myself to post the most mild of them - too embarrassing.

left to right: scary toy closet, boxes sitting in my living room, Sam's work on the kitchen floor, the least scary picture of my office

These are the reasons for my fast approaching nervous breakdown (the speed of its approach depends a lot on the time of the month):

• Sam won't stay out of the dogfood. It is his favorite snack. The other day, I caught him with his cheeks bulging. When I asked him what he had, he started spitting it out to give to me. He gave me an entire handful of soggy dogfood. It took him several spits to get it all out, and then he cried because I took away his snack.



• Yesterday, Sam took apart a pen and got blue ink all over himself - I'm still trying to figure out what else he got the ink on. It's even on his butt. (Don't ask me how - he had a diaper on.)



• This morning, Sam took apart another pen, and I found him sticking its various parts into an electrical outlet.



• He has lately learned to turn on the fireplace.



• I recently found 9 cans of food in the trashcan. Sam is obsessed with the trashcan, so we lose shoes, homework, books, toys, stainless steel mixing bowls, etc. to the trash. Steve finally put a lock on the pantry door. We had to put the lock high enough so that Sam couldn't just drag a chair over to unlock the pantry.



• My older kids leave the diswasher unlocked or open. Yesterday, Sam grabbed a 10 inch long sharp knife, and came running across the kitchen with it pointed straight at me to give it to me. I had just a second to decide: grab the knife or grab the kid, grab the knife or grab the kid. I nearly had a heart attack.

Abby posing with the knife for size perspective (Abby is 6 and very responsible with knives. She also only held this knife under close adult supervision, so no need to call CPS)

With the first few babies, we used to be pretty baby proof. Now, it's impossible to baby proof because the older kids all leave doors open, cupboards unlocked, gates open, pens out, outlet covers off, . . . The list goes on and on. It's a good thing he's cute.

Holiday Baking with Friends

On Tuesday of this week, a few friends came over for a pie making day. We spent the entire day making pie filling and pie crusts to go in the freezer for holiday use.

Liz Mitchell (cousin), Me, Deborah and Karin (friends from Utah)


We made 4 quadruple batches of chocolate filling and 4 quadruple batches of vanilla filling. (Vanilla is for banana cream pie, peach cream pie, coconut cream pie, etc.)

And we covered the entire table in plastic wrap and rolled out 58 pie crusts. My niece Sheryl showed up to help, too, and made off with a razzleberry pie.

And we made a giant mess of the kitchen.

And when the kids all asked if they could have pie, I said, "As soon as the kitchen is clean, we can have pie!" They were happy to oblige.

All totalled up: 32 pie fillings, 4 razzleberry pies, 2 apple pies, and 46 pie crusts.

What I got to keep for my freezer: 4 vanilla pie fillings, 4 chocolate pie fillings, 1 razzleberry pie, and 20 pie crusts to use for pecan pies for neighbors and home teachers! My holiday baking is more than halfway done!

Choking Hazards

Round, firm foods are common choking dangers. The following foods can be choking hazards:

• Hot dogs


• Nuts and seeds


• Chunks of meat or cheese


• Whole grapes


• Hard, gooey or sticky candy


• Popcorn


• Chunks of peanut butter


• Raw vegetables


• Raisins


• Chewing gum

Several years ago, when I was a new mom, I read an article on choking prevention, and it made me feel so panicky that I've never forgotten it. Now, anytime I go out and leave my kids at home, I'm afraid they'll choke on something, and I won't be there to Heimlich them. I do realize this fear is somewhat irrational, but whenever I leave, I always feel like I have to remind them of the snacking rules for when I'm not home: no hot dogs, no popcorn, no running around with food in your mouth, no talking with food in your mouth, no laughing with food in your mouth. And if anyone chokes, one of you call 911 and another one run as fast as you can to the neighbor's for help (she's a nurse).

The kids have come to accept that this is something they will have to listen to at least a few times a week for the rest of their lives. But a few days ago, Matthew called me while I was out to ask if he could make hot dogs for himself and the other kids. Before I could say a single word, he started reciting the script, all in one breath, to soothe his crazy mother. "I'll-cut-them-in-half-lengthwise-and-then-into-small-pieces-and-we'll-sit-down-when-we-eat-and-we-won't-talk-or-laugh."

He's learned to handle me pretty well.

OUCH

Tonight I tripped over a gas hose and fell. I landed on my knee, pulled my hamstring and must have done something to my neck because now my knee is throbbing and my neck is tightening up. If I had to fall, at least I did it where no one saw. My cousin who was sitting in the car just heard the thump and turned around to see that I had disappeared. I'm grateful for that.

I took 4 Advil and a muscle relaxant, and now I'm feeling so happy that I'm afraid if I get up to go to bed, I'll fall again. So if I say anything in anyone's comments (Paige) that could be offensive to someone, I can't be held accountable - it's the meds talking.

The Forgotten Middle Child

I've been creating labels for my posts and just noticed that, although she is mentioned a few times, I don't have any posts dedicated just to Sarah (typical forgotten middle child).

SOME OF MY FAVORITE THINGS ABOUT SARAH:

1. Sarah has been my easiest child. When she was 3, I was pregnant with Abby and was put on full bedrest for 12 weeks. We had moved to Utah just 1 1/2 weeks before, and we didn't know anyone. I was so worried about what I was going to do with her. We had help from lots of family members who took turns coming into town, but on the days when I didn't have any help, Sarah couldn't have been any easier. She just hung out with me watching movies or playing with her animals all day long.

2. Sarah is the most dedicated animal nut I know. She refers to people as humans, like she's not sure that she's one of them. She used to want to be a lion when she grew up (a boy lion because they have cool manes). She blows holes in the knees of her pants within days because she crawls everywhere pretending to be an animal. When she was four, she had several imaginary pets. When a neighbor asked her about her "pets," he went through a whole list of animals (lion, horse, racoon, giraffe, elephant, cow, etc.), and she told him all about them and the various things they did together. But when he asked her about her camel, she answered, "I don't have a camel." She never played with baby dolls, only animals. She used to breastfeed a scary Star Wars fish toy with rows and rows of sharp teeth. OUCH! That is true dedication!

3. (If you have a weak stomach, you may want to skip this paragraph) Sarah has had the most impressive looking injury of any of my kids. You know how you're not supposed to run with pencils (or other sharp objects)? When she was 1 1/2, she took off running with a pencil and fell on it. It stabbed into her eye, but luckily, it was not very sharp, so it did not go through her eyelid. Her eyelid swelled completely closed and was the size of a golfball. She did this on Easter, so somewhere in our boxes of pictures (pre-digital camera days), we have pictures of her in her pretty Easter dress hunting for Easter eggs with a golf-ball shaped eyelid. For a long time, we couldn't go anywhere without anyone who saw her wanting to know what had happened to her. I had to constantly ask them to please not scare her with their horrified expressions. The eye doctor we saw scared us to death talking about muscle damage and nerve damage, but she doesn't have any lasting effects from the injury except for a small pencil lead scar in her right eyelid. We all love this gruesome picture (about a week after the injury when the color had gotten less black) - it gets really fun reactions out of people who haven't become hardened to it.

4. Sarah has the best laugh! You can't hear it without laughing yourself.

5. She is happy and easy-going. And she sets a great example for her younger sister, getting her to play with animals when she would otherwise want to play with evil Bratz dolls.

I love you, Sprph.

Halloween

Halloween is over, and we survived. Here's a rundown of the afternoon:

• 4 arguments with kids (3 with the same kid)
• 1 crying child
• 4 blackmail episodes out of which I got clean bedrooms, a clean kitchen and a clean bathroom ("You're not trick-or-treating until your room is clean!")
• several attempts at decent pictures with camera phone because the good cameras are both broken (pictures stink, but I'll post them anyway)
• two hours of FUN and lots of CANDY
• 2 freezing and crying kids
• hot chocolate for everyone
• threats over candy wrappers on the floor
• bed (FINALLY)

All in all, a productive evening.

This is what Sam the pirate looks like without his bottle ("Avast ye scurvy dog! Brin' me me bottle or I'll see ye t' Davy Jones!")

So our only happy Sam picture is with the bottle. ("Arr, me hearty. That be a fine bit o' grog.")

Sarah and Abby, the Cowgirl and Indian. This is the first time since she's had any say in the matter that Sarah hasn't been an animal for Halloween. She still has an animal, but at least she's finally willing to be human.

Matthew as a baby riding on a werewolf's back. He won a couple of prizes at school and at a party. And today at school, they had a "Shout Out" over the PA system to Matthew for having an awesome costume.

He looked especially funny when he was sleeping on a dancing werewolf.

Headless Anna - several people told her that it was the best costume they'd seen all night. She looked awesome! Matthew also heard several times that his was the best costume. Good job guys!