Christmas Card Quiz

• Guest post from Steve.

Can you guess which kid has a photoshopped head?

Isn't Photoshop great? You have 5 kids that you're trying to get to smile all at the same time without blinking or making rabbit ears (or any other kind of finger gesture, for that matter). If you're lucky, one out of 50 shots will look good. But with Photoshop, you don't need to take 50 pictures. Just a few. Then cut and paste the best head shots into the best overall picture. And voila, a decent picture! And that's what Susan did with our Christmas picture this year. (She hasn't mastered the airbrush and nip/tuck techniques of Photoshop yet, or I would be in the picture too). Can you guess the kid with the head that was cut/paste?

First, place your vote in the poll to the right, then you can check your answer in the comments. Don't peek!

Tree Decorating

We had fun decorating the Christmas tree last night. The kids were very excited to pull out all of the ornaments and find the ones they had made throughout the past several years of school. It's always a challenge for me to come up with creative ways to tell them to hang one of their handmade ornaments in the back of the tree without hurting their feelings. Sarah finally caught on to what I was doing, so I had to explain to her, "I love all of the ornaments you made, but some of them are prettier than others, so I want those ones in the front!" She seemed to take it okay. They took turns using the ladder to get all of the good ornaments up high so Sam couldn't reach them.

Of course, it didn't take Sam long to figure out how to reach the best, most breakable ornaments.

While decorating the tree was fun, Matthew, pubescent boy that he is, was especially excited to hang up the kissing balls.

Everyone wanted to put the star on the top of the tree, but Matthew was the loudest and most obnoxious about it, so he got to do it.

All of the tree decorators were happy with our beautiful tree even though they had to decorate it almost exclusively on the top half.

Unfortunately, a tree that is decorated only on the top half tends to be very top heavy, so it looked somewhat like this in the morning only with fewer ornaments still on it. Luckily, no one was sleeping under it like we usually do the first night.

Abby was very happy, though. After we re-decorated the tree and strapped it to a bolt in the wall, she got to put the star back on the top.

And now we have fewer breakable ornaments for Sam to target.

The True Story

Last night was parent teacher conferences at our junior high. We knew going in what we would find with Anna's grades. We've been dealing with ADHD since kindergarten when I came home from our first ever parent teacher conference in tears. Looking back, I realize that the teacher was an idiot - she didn't have a single positive thing to say to us. Hello . . . it's kindergarten!

Last night, we went ahead and met with her counselor to see what our options are for her. She's in 9th grade, so her grades count now. She can do well and gets A's on nearly everything she turns in, but she works so slowly that she falls behind quickly. And when she falls behind, she falls hard because not handing in homework is a foolproof way to fail all of your classes. The good news is that the counselor told us about this magic thing called a 504 plan. It's for kids with disabilities, including learning disabilities, to help put them on an even playing field. So the counselor is going to start the process of getting a 504 plan in place for her on Monday. I'm very excited to find out about this option for her and wonder why I've never heard of it before. When we reviewed her standardized tests from 3rd grade to the present, we saw such a strong pattern. She always tests very well (in the 80 - 95th percentile) unless the test is timed. If it is timed, she tests in the 20 - 30th percentile. Among other things, this 504 plan will mean more time for her on important state tests and even, eventually, on the ACT and SAT. So, although her grades still need some serious work, at least we are moving in the right direction with her.

Matthew's grades were a little more of a surprise to all of us. First, he got us all psyched up by saying he thinks he has A's in every class. He was really happy because he's trying to get straight A's so he can earn a drum set. (This is his reward if he gets a 4.0 - sadly, we feel pretty safe offering this as a reward.) But it turns out that getting us all excited to see his grades was not a wise move for Matthew. When we saw his actual grades, it was so much more painful than it would have been. He does have A's, but unfortunately, they're only in percussion and PE. In his classes that matter, he's not doing quite so well. I don't get how he can think he's getting an A in English, but then find out he only has 33%. We're now working on the concept of "you get out what you put in."

Anna and Matthew are both grounded until their grades are up. No friends, TV, computer, video games, books, or anything else they like to do until every single assignment is turned in. And, since they apparently need me standing over them for every second of their homework, I'm effectively grounded, too.

An Exercise in Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Tonight was parent teacher conference at our junior high. It is my favorite day of the whole year. I get to sit with a smile on my face while the teachers all congratulate me on what exemplary students my children are. They both have straight A's and are on the high honor roll! And neither one has a single tardy which means outstanding citizenship grades all around.

Choking Hazards

Round, firm foods are common choking dangers. The following foods can be choking hazards:

• Hot dogs


• Nuts and seeds


• Chunks of meat or cheese


• Whole grapes


• Hard, gooey or sticky candy


• Popcorn


• Chunks of peanut butter


• Raw vegetables


• Raisins


• Chewing gum

Several years ago, when I was a new mom, I read an article on choking prevention, and it made me feel so panicky that I've never forgotten it. Now, anytime I go out and leave my kids at home, I'm afraid they'll choke on something, and I won't be there to Heimlich them. I do realize this fear is somewhat irrational, but whenever I leave, I always feel like I have to remind them of the snacking rules for when I'm not home: no hot dogs, no popcorn, no running around with food in your mouth, no talking with food in your mouth, no laughing with food in your mouth. And if anyone chokes, one of you call 911 and another one run as fast as you can to the neighbor's for help (she's a nurse).

The kids have come to accept that this is something they will have to listen to at least a few times a week for the rest of their lives. But a few days ago, Matthew called me while I was out to ask if he could make hot dogs for himself and the other kids. Before I could say a single word, he started reciting the script, all in one breath, to soothe his crazy mother. "I'll-cut-them-in-half-lengthwise-and-then-into-small-pieces-and-we'll-sit-down-when-we-eat-and-we-won't-talk-or-laugh."

He's learned to handle me pretty well.

Halloween

Halloween is over, and we survived. Here's a rundown of the afternoon:

• 4 arguments with kids (3 with the same kid)
• 1 crying child
• 4 blackmail episodes out of which I got clean bedrooms, a clean kitchen and a clean bathroom ("You're not trick-or-treating until your room is clean!")
• several attempts at decent pictures with camera phone because the good cameras are both broken (pictures stink, but I'll post them anyway)
• two hours of FUN and lots of CANDY
• 2 freezing and crying kids
• hot chocolate for everyone
• threats over candy wrappers on the floor
• bed (FINALLY)

All in all, a productive evening.

This is what Sam the pirate looks like without his bottle ("Avast ye scurvy dog! Brin' me me bottle or I'll see ye t' Davy Jones!")

So our only happy Sam picture is with the bottle. ("Arr, me hearty. That be a fine bit o' grog.")

Sarah and Abby, the Cowgirl and Indian. This is the first time since she's had any say in the matter that Sarah hasn't been an animal for Halloween. She still has an animal, but at least she's finally willing to be human.

Matthew as a baby riding on a werewolf's back. He won a couple of prizes at school and at a party. And today at school, they had a "Shout Out" over the PA system to Matthew for having an awesome costume.

He looked especially funny when he was sleeping on a dancing werewolf.

Headless Anna - several people told her that it was the best costume they'd seen all night. She looked awesome! Matthew also heard several times that his was the best costume. Good job guys!

Action Figures

Matthew has been pestering me lately and has gotten himself on my S-list. As punishment, I told him my next post would be about him.

Recently, Matthew and I were searching on the internet for halloween costume ideas for him. This search was very aggravating because he has to have an opinion about everything. Apparently, he has forgotten that my opinion is the only one that counts. He wants something gross and scarey, nothing cute like a fireman (sorry, Scott). We're welcoming any suggestions - he's 12.


While we were on the internet, we came across a Flash t-shirt, and it reminded me of one of my favorite Matthew memories. Many, many years ago (about 9 to be exact), Matthew used to like to raid his aunt Carol's toy bins and play with all of the action figures. He came across a red man with a lightning bolt on his chest and asked me what his name is. At that particular moment, I couldn't remember, so I asked Matthew, "What do you want his name to be?" He answered, "I think his name is SUPERGLUE." For a very long time, much to the whole family's delight and continual amusement, Matthew's favorite action figure was Superglue. Eventually, I got Carol to just give Superglue to us, and he now lives in Matthew's special bin. I think he even gets to see daylight sometimes when Matthew is feeling lonely, though I'm sure he'll vehemently deny it.




Matthew's other favorite action figures were Batman and Robin. When I had to have my gall bladder removed, I ended up in the hospital for a week (it was supposed to be out-patient). When Matthew came to visit, he brought Robin with him and left him for me to play with. What a sweety, huh? Robin now keeps Superglue company in the special bin.

Zack's Hairy Armpits

As my screen saver scrolled through my pictures, Matthew, who wasn't wearing his glasses, was very surprised to see that Zack has such long armpit hair.

Oh, Go Fly a Kite!

Yesterday afternoon, as I was taking my 20 minute (translation: 90 minute) power nap, the kids came into my room and started rooting around under my bed for the two big kites I bought from Costco last spring. We had never even taken them out of the packages. I started getting all bugged and was trying to shoo them out of my room while asking them what they were doing. They answered, "Dad told us to." So I dragged myself up to help them put the kites together, a big mermaid with wings (huh?) and a dragon.

We got them both put together, but when we went outside, there was not even the tiniest hint of wind. The trees were absolutely still. We licked our fingers and held them up to double-check, but couldn't feel a bit of wind. The package instructions recommend at least 7 mph winds, but Matthew and his friend wanted to try anyway. So they ran and ran and ran . . . and got the kite up. But it only stayed up as long as they were sprinting across the yard. They ran with that big dragon kite for about 30 minutes, while I got tired just watching them and went back inside.

Eventually, Steve came into the kitchen and asked where the kids were. I said, a little peeved, "They're outside trying to fly a kite with no wind at your suggestion." He, of course, busted up laughing, and then I finally got it. They'd been pestering him for a while because they were bored, so he told them to "Go fly a kite."